There is so much rich sound bite in this its hilarious. You can tell the writer has been involved in small groups. Okay sound off.

Contrary to public opinion, I think the Bachelor and the Bachelorette are important shows. Seriously? You ask.

This post started because my friend Kate Murray shared her thoughts on the show. She said:

Last night I watched the Bachelorette.  I never watch the Bachelorette.  I don’t know what got into me, but I sat on the couch, for two hours, listening to the guys “tell all” and recount their stories from the season.  Mostly I watched as they and this season’s Bachelorette, Ali, spoke of finding love and her quest to find the man of her dreams.

But as I watched, I thought about how different their experiences have been from my own – and if any relationship that begins in such a setting (not only in exotic locations, but on national TV) can survive the reality of life (most don’t – I think only two or three couples have actually made it down the aisle and are still together).

Her observations made me thing of another show I watch with my kids.  It’s called Wipeout. Contestants navigate an obstacle course and get pummeled a long the way. What I’ve noticed is that the course is designed to produce moments of hilarious pummeling. In other words, its designed for the laugh, not the contestants.  There are points in the course that the contestants simply can’t get by without experiencing a dramatic wipeout, hence the name.

The producers of Wipeout are smart because they pick really interesting, and rather kooky people who are willing to look silly on tv.  Those willing to make fun of themselves have the chance to win 50 thousand dollars. They highlight those willing to make fun of themselves. Its no unusual for contestants to dance in costumes, shout native calls, talk about their desire for breast reduction surgery (a male), and show their ninja skills.

I’ve watched the Bachelor and the Bachelorette in the past and I can help but wonder the same thing. The show is not really designed to produce relationship. It’s designed to produce a moment where we cringe, guffaw, and laugh AT the contestants. Both shows are like a pressure cookers designed to produce cringe worthy moments where someone melts down on television.  Those are the moments everyone talks about on Twitter and Facebook.  “Did you see that guy last night get the tattoo for the girl.  LOSER.”  We’re in on the gag because we now know from the history of the show that no matter how much they think its real, it is not.  No matter how much they try, there is a high degree of probability that they will not make it.  In other words, the show is for our experience, not the contestants.

I think we watch because the show gives us our dream scenario.  Contestants are given dream situations for their dates, romantic possibilities that only a few could experience, and are then expected to make a choice that is largely undignifying no matter how much they rationalize it.  But if the dream does anything it shows that it more likely a nightmare.

So I’ve been away a while. But there’s a reason.  I’ve been downsizing my life.

Over the last several years my wife and I have been looking at the cost of “big”.  I have lived in a big house (3300 sq ft). There are some days I wanted to chop off the top of my house.  So about three months ago we decided it was time to let go of “big” and try on “small”.  We sold our house and essentially chopped off the top of our house.  We went from 5 bedrooms to 3 and down to 1700 sq ft.  My kids even share a room.

And we love it.

When we began this process I began to process the emotions of how much I am my stuff.  I bought the house 9 years ago and its sort of represented a pinnacle moment in my life.  It was the cool house in the great neighborhood.  But over time we began to feel the cost of it.  More was not necessarily better for us.  I began to notice how much we have to store stuff we don’t use more than once a year. Managing stuff requires headspace.  It requires thinking about stuff.  And as I let it go, I realize I don’t have to think about it.  The only thing we have to do now is sell a lot of our old stuff.  It fills my garage because we lost essentially four rooms.

As we moved out I noticed a couple of things.  We don’t need most of our stuff.  Downsizing has forced me to ask how much stuff I really don’t need.  Yet I coulndn’t find out until I actually let it go.  I won’t discover the value of less until I actually have less.  Two years ago my friend packed up 90% of his stuff and moved into an apartment for two years.  Two years later he gave away most of it.  In fact he lived in a small apartment and had virtually nothing.  Yet he’s told me several times it was two of the best years of his life.

The second thing I noticed is that smaller spaces are more intimate.  In my old house, I began to notice that walking to my over sized bedroom required a long walk.  Now it doesn’t.  As silly as this may sound, I realized that the “big” creates a huge waste of time and separation.  Now everything is closer and more intimate.  I’m sure at some points it may feel like we’re on top of each other, but I kind of wonder how much the old space allowed me to hide.  Now I can’t.

And as we sold the house, I began to wait for that moment when I would lament what I was letting go.  But it hasn’t come…at least not yet.  As we moved into our “little” house I began to see that less was actually more.

What about you? What do you need to let go of?

You knew it was coming from the Story of Stuff people.

Love that she calls out Pepsi’s Aquafina and Coke’s Dasani for their BS bottled water which is really TAP WATER!

I am so unmotivated for Christmas.  And I honestly have Chris Seay to thank for that.  The journey began a couple of years ago at Q.  I wrote about it then and still feel it now.  My heart changed that day.

Well, Q finally posted the entire video of Chris’ talk online.  I dare you to watch it right now and then post how you feel after watching it.  It is honestly one of the best presentations on consumerism I’ve ever seen.

“You are a slave Neo.” Morpheus (ht)

Over the last several months my wife and I have been having a conversation around consumption.  There is an illusion of happiness embedded within consumerism and consumption.  And we buy it.  It’s the system we grew up in.  We were told to “buy” before we knew what was good for us.  And when we were in crisis, the President continued the system, telling us to “Shop” in stead of heal or forgive.

My wife said to me just yesterday, as we pondered some major changes in our lives, “When we’re on our death bed, I don’t think we would say, ‘I wish I had bought more stuff.’”  She was right.  When all is said and done, stuff holds little value.  It’s meaning is an illusion we’ve been sold but also bought.  And it weighs us down.

But we do have a choice in the matter.  As a good friend of mine once told me, “We don’t have to live like this.”  What would it mean to embark on a journey towards less stuff?  What would it mean to invest in people and experiences as opposed to a newer car or a bigger house.  I’ve said it many times.  I’ve met three billionaires in my life and they were all miserable human beings.  More does not mean more happiness.  Wealth simply means we get to choose our problems.

I really wonder how much of our stuff is just an illusion that sates us into thinking we have it all together.

Last night I was watching television and one of the pinnacle 80’s movies came on.  The graphic, F-work laden Scarface. (My friend once counted the F words and there are 365.) I couldn’t help but get drawn into this strange story of the rise and fall of Tony Montana.  Outside of The Godfather, I think this is one of Al Pacino’s best performances.  It was dark and brooding, and full of so much drama.

But something stood out to me as I watched the glitz and glamor of 80’s fashion play out on the screen.  I was so immediately conscious of the fact that I would never, ever wear what they were wearing.  But at one time it was all the rage.  The tight polyester suits and Italian loafers. All of it looked funny now.  Things change.

In an early scene, when Montana’s character meets his boss Frank Lopez for the first time, we’re introduced to the opulence of Frank’s life.  His house has a three story living room with marble floors.  The furniture was chic and stylistic but now out of fashion.  His character says that his biggest problem is how to spend all of his money.  Even the Porsche 928, which Tony covets and I absolutely loved, is so yesterday.

And as I watched it I couldn’t help but think about how our stuff is so much of an illusion.  We agree to the ever changing idea of fashion and hip.  And in the moment we have it, it becomes valuable.  And what makes it valuable is our agreement that its valuable.  Yet 25 years later, all of that stuff is outdated and out of style.  The illusion is gone.

It makes me really wonder how much we play games with ourselves.  And 25 years later we still play the game.  What’s fashionable today will be outdated in one maybe two years from now.  I really wonder if we’re comfortable with being captured by the illusion of stuff.

I ran across this teaser video today.  It brought back such interesting memories in light of the financial state we’re going through.

In 2007, I had the pleasure to venture out to Atlanta for the Q conference. It was to this day the best conference I have ever been to.  It was a collection of some of the brightest minds and thinkers, and a few of my favorite speakers, all collected into one space.

But then Chris Seay got up.  What was a fun conference on creative ideas meant to reveal the kingdom became in a split second a moment of reality.  Chris was angry in a way a Father is angry when his daughter has just survived a violent car crash.  His anger was as much for us, asking us to wake up to our reckless behavior, as it was at the problem.

He spoke about the wanton spending we Christians take part in as Americans.  We’re literally trained to spend as a means of personal fulfillment.  I remember these statistics.  Americans spend:

$18 Billion on makeup

$15 Billion on perfume

$17 Billion on pet food

The pet food number always stuck with me. And then he reminded us of these startling opportunities. It would cost:

$5 Billion to eliminate illiteracy worldwide

$10 Billion to solve the water crisis for everyone in the world

$19 Billion to eliminate hunger worldwide

I remember feeling stunned all throughout the talk.  And when the talk was over, Chris asked us to sit in groups of 3-4 and discuss what we heard and thought.  I remember turning to two gentlemen next to me who didn’t know what to say.  They were literally speechless for the about twenty seconds.

The first guy finally said, “Wow. That hit me.  I just sold my house to move into a bigger house, and the day before we moved we took four loads of “stuff” to Goodwill.”

The second guy sat equally stunned and then said, “I’m his brother in law.  I just sold my house to move into a bigger house next to his.  And we just took six loads of “stuff” to Goodwill.”

We have a lot of stuff don’t we?