“I don’t feel that beautiful.”
Those were the words that literally stopped me in my tracks about fifteen years ago. I was talking with a good friend of mine who is quite possibly the most physically beautiful woman I have ever personally known. She was a model, had curves in all the right places, and was extremely vivacious. She could light up a room with her presence. I remember walking into a room with her once and the entire room visibly stopped to look at her. I couldn’t help but wonder what that feeling was like, and it still made my friend blush.
The conversation that led to her confession happened in a moment of somewhat inebriated tension. She was breaking up with her boyfriend who had just cheated on her. We were with a group of friends having drinks, when she told me that she didn’t feel that beautiful. When she looked in the mirror, she didn’t seem to see what everyone else saw. She could always find something prettier, smarter, more athletic, and just better all around. It was one of those rare moments when truth was pouring out of her.
She confessed to me that beauty was somewhat of a curse, which surprised me given that we all wish we had what she had. At some point in every relationship, she always reached the moment when she wondered if the person was with her for her or for her beauty. And they were different. She wished she could take off what felt like a mask and ask, “Do you still love me.”
The conversation tweaked my understanding that beauty is deeply perceptual. It’s not always the blessing we think it is.
1 Peter 3:3-4 (New International Version) – Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.
