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Does Love Get Taken Advantage Of?

Does love get taken advantage of?

I recently had a conversation with some friends about a choice I had made.  In some respects their responses was that I was being taken advantage of.  In choosing to love, I was allowing the person the opportunity to get everything.  And while I understood the point my friends were trying to make, I couldn’t help but wonder if love was the real winner in the end.

My first thought regarding love is the cross.  Did God get taken advantage of at the cross?  Did God get the raw end of the stick?  I just…well…I just don’t think so.  I think God knew all along what it would take to convince us that love was always true.  We just need some really painful stuff to make us realize it.  The cross IS God getting taken advantage of, but I also see God participating in that. As I look at the cross I can’t help see God remain whole through the process.  In choosing to love, God never forgets the value of creation, and in the process redeems it.  Love wins in the end.

So in choosing to love, I am choosing to remember who I am.  I choose to love because it is whole.  It is restorative.  It is redemptive.  And yes, I will get taken advantage of in the process.  But I’m okay with that.

About the Author

Jonathan BrinkI am an business development and communications consultant. I am also the senior editor and publisher for Civitas Press. I recently published, Discovering The God Imagination: Reconstructing A Whole, New Christianity. (Civitas, 2011)View all posts by Jonathan Brink →

  • Chadholtz

    Jonathan,
    I agree that love is redemptive. I would add, however, that love has a shape to it, at least in light of Christ (You point out that love suffers and brings healing, all of which is true). Are you familiar with Bonhoeffer's use of love as tyranny? There is a sense in which love can be used to take advantage. Bonhoeffer goes on to call love both soft and hard tyranny. Soft in the sense of absorbing the “other” for one's own use (this is often called dependency). Hard in the sense of abuse, physical or emotional or other, all in the name of “love.” He goes on to argue that love must be qualified in Christ (we don't know how to love apart from Christ) and that true love is when we have Christ as mediator in all our relations – thus being able to truly accept the “other” as Christ himself.

    Thanks for your reminder to us all that love does not come without price.

  • Chadholtz

    Jonathan,
    I agree that love is redemptive. I would add, however, that love has a shape to it, at least in light of Christ (You point out that love suffers and brings healing, all of which is true). Are you familiar with Bonhoeffer's use of love as tyranny? There is a sense in which love can be used to take advantage. Bonhoeffer goes on to call love both soft and hard tyranny. Soft in the sense of absorbing the “other” for one's own use (this is often called dependency). Hard in the sense of abuse, physical or emotional or other, all in the name of “love.” He goes on to argue that love must be qualified in Christ (we don't know how to love apart from Christ) and that true love is when we have Christ as mediator in all our relations – thus being able to truly accept the “other” as Christ himself.

    Thanks for your reminder to us all that love does not come without price.

  • http://twitter.com/dbgladson David Gladson

    I struggle with this myself Jonathan… I learned so much codependency in the churches I grew up in – trying to fix other people and giving really important parts of myself up for the sake of helping others. In the process, I ended up resentful and self-righteous with pity for those who were less fortunate. It kept me above or below others but never together with them. Presently, I continue to hear the call to follow the way of the cross, but I am scared to do so (at least in the way that I have been indoctrinated) – afraid that I will end up back in that place that was anything but agape. Sometimes I am also the other – and my job for today is to learn to love me as much as God does.

  • http://twitter.com/dbgladson David Gladson

    I struggle with this myself Jonathan… I learned so much codependency in the churches I grew up in – trying to fix other people and giving really important parts of myself up for the sake of helping others. In the process, I ended up resentful and self-righteous with pity for those who were less fortunate. It kept me above or below others but never together with them. Presently, I continue to hear the call to follow the way of the cross, but I am scared to do so (at least in the way that I have been indoctrinated) – afraid that I will end up back in that place that was anything but agape. Sometimes I am also the other – and my job for today is to learn to love me as much as God does.

  • http://jonathanbrink.com Jonathan Brink

    Thanks David. I stand with you on your journey towards the cross.

  • http://jonathanbrink.com Jonathan Brink

    Thanks David. I stand with you on your journey towards the cross.

  • Brett

    It’s funny Jonathan.u00a0u00a0 If we give our love out as a gift, au00a0true gift that is not based upon a want or desire of getting something in return, then how can our love be taken advantage of?u00a0 Often when we give, we are expecting something in return.u00a0u00a0 This can range from desiring appreciation or being noticed to expecting a lifewise response from the person we gave to.nnSo Jesus gave us our lives back through his sacrifice on the cross.u00a0u00a0 Did we take advantage of it?u00a0u00a0 No.u00a0 We can’t.u00a0 Why?u00a0 Because it was freely given with no need or obligation being placed upon us.u00a0 nnWhen we worry about being taken advantage of, it is because we want what we are doing to have meaning or purpose.u00a0 We want someone to respond in certain ways because our action deserves an appropriate response in return.u00a0u00a0 So if we give because we want to and we do so freely with no obligations to the other person as Jesus did with us, then we can never be taken advantage of.u00a0 One can’t take advantage of a freely given gift.

Business development and communications for growing businesses.