This is in many ways a confession post.
I’ve been married more than fifteen years. This last year my wife and I had to come to terms with what it really meant to be married. To move forward we had to seek help and learn to rebuild our marriage. It has been a painful process in many regards. It has caused me to honestly face some of my own BS, stuff I don’t always like facing.
Recently I came to understand that over the course of my marriage I’ve learned to construct an image of my wife that has at times taken over. I’ve created an image of who I thought she should be, rather than who she is. I projected an image of a wife that I thought she should be. And the cost of that was that I lost the person inside. But before my wife is my wife, she is first a person, a human being created in the image of God. She has dignity and meaning that came long before any marriage agreement.
Rebuilding my marriage has meant letting go of my projections. I had to find the person inside, the one that is created in the image of God. Doing this has created a tremendous amount of fear. I’m bent towards holding onto control. But in doing so I was killing my marriage. And the worst part is that I was blaming my wife for my expectations.
Sometimes its hard to find the person inside.