The Loss Of A Virtual Friend

Posted by Jonathan Brink
December 17, 2009

gideon2If anyone doubts the reality or validity of virtual relationships, wait until someone who you know only through the virtual world commits suicide.

Yesterday was one of those remarkably surreal days.  I was perched in the corner of Starbucks and periodically checking my Twitter account when I read the following tweet.

“@jbonewald: Sadenned to hear of the death of one of my tweeps, @gideony RIP http://tr.im/HOOQ”

A rush of emotion hit me from all sides as I pondered what I had just read.  “Wait a friggin minute.  I know this guy.” I quickly checked the link and then called the funeral home listed in the link.  It was true.  This was the same Gideon Addington that I had shared book clubs, Facebook chats, and Twitter tweets with for the last six months.

My heart sunk.  Why did he die?  And then a close friend of his confirmed it.  Gideon had committed suicide.  This is one of those things I never saw coming.

I met Gideon through shared dialog and conversation on Twitter and then through an online book club.  We shared a desire for knowing God, following Jesus in a postmodern world, theology and what it meant to embrace and give love to the other.  Gideon was both passionate and conflicted.  But more importantly he was willing to share that experience with those around him.  He wasn’t afraid to share his heart, even when his words weren’t necessarily convenient.

Gideon’s wrote this a little more than a month ago.

I am broken among the broken…

Lord, deliver me from my despair.  Give me strength that I might continue to fight.  I am tired, I am lonely, and I feel I am alone among the mad.  I know I am not alone but my heart breaks.  Help me, save me.. I try so hard, yet I know I should try harder and that there is much I could do but do not…  Have mercy on me, help me be a better instrument, a better servant and a better healer for those that come before me.  Save me from pride, from arrogance, and help me remember that I am broken among the broken.  Give me wisdom to discern what I can and cannot do, and what I must walk to and away from.  Lord, save me.  Amen. -Gideon Addington, Nov. 7, 2009

But as pondered the loss I became aware of something.  I have never met Gideon in person.  This connection of ideas, and words, and a willingness to dialog about it was entirely virtual.  Our book club exchanges were all video based.  And our chats were all textual.  That’s it.  Gideon was the textbook definition of a virtual friend.  But I felt his loss as though he were someone I had met.  I felt the loss the same as those who I have lost in my life.  The image of God, reflected in Gideon, was now gone.

This experience made me question those who think that virtual community is not real.  I seriously question that now.  And the reason I do is that the means were different (personal vs. virtual) but there is still a person on the other side of the video, text, and messages.

I will miss you Gideon.  See you soon brother.

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Suffering

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  • Kay
    Damn it. This is such a shock. I with I had heard earlier, but I haven't been on Twitter. Damn damn damn.

    Thanks for posting this Jonathan.
  • Thank you so much for this, Jonathan. I am less of a Twitter addict than many, so I am just now logging in and finding out about this, and I am reeling, too. While I didn't know Gideon well, I always looked for his posts and so appreciated his mind and heart. I can't believe he's gone.
  • It is a sad day when any of God's children take one's own life. Feeling a sense of loneliness even in the midst of a community of believers is not an impossible thing. I have felt that as well, successfully moving through times of depression and now be treated for anxiety. While I, too, have followed Gideon, it has been some time since I directly interacted with him. I cannot speak to all the circumstances in his life, but his death is a reminder that we need to remind our virtual friendships that their connection in our lives is real. And, if you feel pain, don't hesitate to reach out. Friends are here for you. I have said a prayer for Gideon and all his friends and family, online and off.
  • This is so tragic. Even as little as I knew him, the loss is and will continue to be felt. Lord have mercy...
  • really sad. I am sorry to hear this...
  • Sue
    I too dialogued with Gideon on twitter, and found him to be a refreshing and theologically knowledgeable person. He was so honest, so vulnerable with his faith. He believed what he believed, and he shared that with all of us, no matter what the heresy police might think.

    He inspired me. He made me think. He helped me see Christianity from a different perspective. He was Christian in both belief and practice. He was Christian in a way that marked his generation.

    He was sensitive. He was intelligent. And he had a tremendous bull**** detector, so he was able to sift through the institutional church's practices and practice those ancient things that are timeless, mystical, and beautiful--and to challenge the way things have always been done in other respects.

    I am honored to have been his virtual friend, and share the sense of loss.
  • lizdyer
    Jonathan - I knew Gideon even less than you did but this has really shaken me up. I had some minimal contact with him through twitter and Emergent Outliers but he was a voice that I was interested in and my impression was that he was a good guy. The loss and tragedy is real and personal.
  • Thank you so much for this, Jonathan. You've summed up my thoughts and feelings on this perfectly.
  • PadreWarren
    Jonathan, this is poignant and summarizes my experiences well. I talked with Gideon about the ordination process, the relative merits of Kindle readers, theology and the faithful response of the Church as God's people in the world. I will miss his thoughtful reflections and fine mind. Though we never occupied adjacent space, he is a part of the communion of saints and so we are bound together by the love of God that has been given us.

    Godspeed Gideon!
  • This is extremely sad. The fact that he says he feels alone in the quote above, is particularly heartbreaking. I didn't know Gideon at all, just followed him on twitter and checked out his blog a few times, but when I heard about this news I was honestly grieved.

    In light of this I cannot help but softly question why, having so many virtual friends, he still felt so alone? I am really beginning to see the tremendous potential and power technology has to both connect us and isolate us.

    I agree with the above sentiment, the friendship may have been virtual, but the loss is personal and real.
  • jasoncoker
    This is truly heart wrenching. Prayers to all of Gideon's family and friends, real and virtual, during this very difficult time.
  • Thanks for putting words to this, Jonathan. I am still reeling from it all...
  • Thanks for this great remembrance, Jonathan. I'm feeling the same, personal loss that you are today.
  • Gary
    I had not heard this. So sorry to hear that. Like you, I've never met him, but it is a personal loss, not a virtual one.
  • Well said, a personal loss not a virtual one. I of course didn't know him either, I found this from Jay Bakker's tweet and followed through having just over the past few months lost a friend to suicide. I've lost both real world and virtual friends the same way, the loss is felt the same.
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