A Rising Standard Of Loving

Posted by Jonathan Brink
July 31, 2008

I’ve been thinking lately, what if our parents got it wrong?  What if the American dream is not as good as the ads in InStyle or Better Home and Garden magazine suggest?  What if the perfect life is not so perfect?

Thomas Friedman said in the World Is Flat,

“I am certain that we Americans can indeed thrive in this world.  But I am also certain that it will not be as easy as it was in the last 50 years.  Each of us as an individual will have to work a little hard and run a little faster to keep our standard of living rising.”

And the assumption in this statement is that after 50 years we have come to the conclusion, or the acceptance, that we need to continue to increase our standard of living.  Are we really more happy?  I live in a world that is equal and probably greater than my parents ever attained.  And yet are we more content?  And does contentment come from a better standard of living?

We think about the endless drive in the American dream and wonder if it has become a trap.  It is likely that my children will not ever be able to exceed my standard of living, which throws a wrench into the whole concept.  And even if they do, the standard always increases enough to make you think it is just around the corner…just.

My wife and I have been steadily asking what a lower standard of living looks like.  Not because we want a lesser life, but because we’re rapidly coming to the conclusion that lots of stuff takes lots of time and more money to manage.  The more we have the more we have to worry about it.  We’ve begun to ask what experience we would like to have rather than what thing.  And God keeps drawing us towards people, towards investing in their lives.

The flattening of the world, as Friedman speaks, is radically and rapidly changing our expectations for the future.  I’m convinced that in the next twenty to thirty years the American dream will shift from a rising standard of living to a rising standard of relationships or loving.  I think people are becoming tired of the chase.  Yet as any system that is filled with potential and promise but inherently doesn’t work, we still have to discover it doesn’t work.  We have to prove out its obsolescence. And it likely will take an entire generation, or about 80 years to prove that.

My gut tells them that people are beginning to see the value in relationships as opposed to things, the latter being more valuable in the long run.  Yes we are a consumeristic society, but this is a natural consequence of the original chase.   This relational value will require a new way of operating that begins with our own humanity and dealing with our brokenness.  If Facebook, MySpace, and social networking sites have proven anything it is that the emerging generations are wired towards relationship, and each is feeding that desire.

And it is love that people desire because it is love that builds and fosters relationships.  Stuff can’t do that.  And it is always the church that has been the entity to bring love to the world.  If we listen, and listen carefully to this shift, we can be positioned to answer one of the fundamental problems in every emerging generation, across borders, and across the world.  We can be the ones to create a rising standard of loving.

What if the American dream truly was to love your neighbor?  I can hope can’t I?

BTW: You can listen to the World Is Flat for Free.

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  • dave
    I remember a good man telling me "technology has helped us live life faster, not necessarily better." Looking back, and forward, it really makes sense. As a result of our culture and it's gadgetry (cells, laptops, blu ray, fast food, instant messaging), I've only added more stuff to my plate, more connectedness - which I find difficult to break away from, more to my own insatiable desire for more and better (sometimes that simply means "bigger") stuff, and... I live my life faster, adding more activity.

    My family and I recently downsized. Surprisingly ironic, I found it liberating. We shed 600 square feet of living space and a whole lot of "stuff" which sat unused in a larger home. We're in a smaller place, but somehow, we're more content.

    My goal is to find myself "content in every situation" like the Apostle Paul. That's proven to be difficult when Best Buy, Lowe's, Costco, Circuit City, and Home Depot (all my favorite vices) are on the same street within a few miles of my house.

    I've heard and read where many families are staying home more these days - enjoying their own families and neighbors. Perhaps one upside to these hard financial times (for quite a few) is more connecting with each other. Maybe, JB, it's already beginning.
  • I think its a sad thing that our impression of our parent's view of america has to come from the advertising culture.

    Friedman's book is a very good one. Your point about the need to increase standard of living is extremely relevant and one not asked by Friedman. ( I wouldn't expect him to )

    We as Americans have been culturized into believing that standard of living is a constantly increasing quality and that it is possible for it to improve for ever an ever. Perhaps this was one of our fathers' greatest shortcomings in the mix between culture and religion - that they didn't see the suggestions of piety as relevant to their world.

    So we must ask the question of whether we want our standard of living or loving increased. Your point on that matter is very good. Though I'm not convinced that a rise in standard of loving is the default occurance when standard of living comes to a halt. My fear is that resulting negative behavior due to the the immaturity that high standard of living supports will become more prevalent as the affluence becomes less available. It seems that at that time an increase in virtue would be more difficult than it would be in this current state of living.

    Great thoughts, I enjoyed this post, though I disagree with the idea that it is always the church that has been the entity to bring love to the world. I've seen as many people hurt by the church as I have by the non-church, and I've seen as many loved by the non-church as I have by the church. I'll save that conversation for another day though.
  • One thing my DH and I have discovered is that we need to be persistently swimming upstream to cultivate a new relationship to things and money. It seems that nearly everywhere you turn the encouragement is to upgrade, more is better, bigger is better, gotta' have the latest music, new is better, you deserve it, etc.

    We do things like read books out loud to each other, one chapter at a time, that encourage us to develop a new relationship to things and to money, so that our time and energies are more freed up for people. We've read Tom Sine's "Why Settle For More and Miss the Best" and "Your Money or Your Life" among others.

    I don't think we're doing so great at some aspects of this transition, but we've changed by leaps and bounds in others. Last year we went from 12 acres to 2 acres and when we moved we downsized by 800 square feet. I keep telling myself it's a journey, one step at a time. Time is still the big issue in our lives....even with less stuff, we are still so short on the kind of time we'd like to have for people.
  • I feel like I didn't tie that comment together very well. I was trying to get at that we see that if we are focused on our standard of living rising, then people get left behind. So, for us one of the steps we've chosen to take is to focus on decreasing our standard of living in the hopes of freeing up time and money for others. It's much easier said than done....
  • No worries Tracy. I got what you were saying.
  • Amos, I hear your concern with the church, as I share it. But it has always been our charge to bring love to the world. Do we do a good job of it? That's each person's opinion.
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