The Fear Of Not Participating

Posted by Jonathan Brink
June 30, 2008

Last night some friends of mine had a date night that turned into a mini meeting about Tribe. Tribe is our dream about what church could look like, one that is bent towards following Jesus into mission.  In some respects its audacious, and is certainly bigger than the sum of us, which makes me realize I need to stay grounded in Him as much as possible.  It is why I am so blessed to have so many great people already a part of this.

My wife asked the other wives what they felt about what we were dreaming up.  It totally surprised me because I got to see the passion and beauty of my wife seriously wrestling with the call of God in her life, one that has pushed her in really great ways.

And then someone said, (I think it was Jeromy’s wife), “I’m afraid of not doing it.”

And at that moment there was a collective sigh, a pregnant pause that revealed what all of us were feeling.  You see, the more we took steps towards participating in God’s mission, the more it delighted us.  It stirred our hearts to consider doing something that we believed would reveal a more wholistic way of being the church and participating in what He is doing.

But the risk was that by talking about it we could create a hope that might possibly never be fulfilled.  By taking those first steps in some way meant that we were doing it.  And what if at some point we decided not to, that it was just too much to do? By talking about it we were exposing some pretty serious dreams that each of us longed for and hoped for.  But at the same time we were creating a risk that our dreams would never come true.

Several people at the table said, “I don’t want this not to happen.”

There is a moment of convergence when an idea takes root in a group of people, and the first step is hard.  But there also comes a moment when the second person takes that step and the third and suddenly everyone looks around and says, “Are we really doing this?”  Last night was one of those moments.

Have you ever felt like this?

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Emerging Church, Missional, discipleship

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  • I also think that a connected fear and part of the journey we are going through (at least Jen and I) is that the burden is on us. We can't blame a youth ministry for not doing enough or meeting our teenager's spiritual needs or not going on mission trips. We can't pass the buck onto the Children's ministry for our kid's spirituality. We can't just simply drop them off once a week and appease our conscience. It is on us. And I think that is where the holy fear comes into play because if we don't do it, there is not a "system" or professionals to lean on to pick up the slack. Instead, we have friends and community and natural mentors and it is up to us to dream and create missional and spiritual experiences we do as a family and community.

    With is comes a fearful respect because of its inherent power. With it also comes an excitement and energy that parallels no other and a power that is lying dormant waiting to be birthed. And the best part, our wives get to be involved and not just cook meals.

    Oh, and by the way Jonathan, my name "Jeromy" is copyrighted and cannot be used unless it links to my blog or I get paid $1,000 in royalties.
  • Dude, you drive a steep price. I couldn't come up with the thousand so I linked to you out of respect. BUT technically I mentioned your wife. ;-P
  • Yea, I know. Thanks for reminding me. That will be another $1,000 or an additional link.
  • Jonathan, I know exactly what you are talking about/feeling, and yup, sure have felt that way myself a few times in life, increasingly so as brokenness gets worked out in my life more and more....

    Do you think it's a sign of humility? I don't mean the typical way humility is taught in churches, but I mean a deep humility that knows, in some sense, we really do not have anything to offer, and yet in another just as real sense, we have Him living within us and have so much to offer. I love that tension, I really do. I think it's easy to see people fall on one side of the fence or the other in this, but what statements like, "I'm afraid of NOT doing it" are made, I think the tension is being kept in great balance. (Note to person who commented above: I did not mention any names so no $1000 OR link will be forthcoming). We know we may be in the midst of being called to participate in something, but do we have what it takes? Will we corrupt it? Do we dare not do it?

    One other thing that really struck me in this post was this line: "By talking about it we were exposing some pretty serious dreams that each of us longed for and hoped for." A few weeks ago I was talking to Kathy Escobar (via phone, too far away to do it in person!) and we were brainstorming some things in my future because I'm having to make decisions about school, work, "ministry," etc. We got all done talking about all that were possibilities that I'd put on the table and she asked the most simple and profound question: What is really in your heart to do? I just burst into tears. Because the heart knows what it wants no matter how many other factors or choices or paths there are involved. It was a defining moment for me. I was easily able to state immediately (when I got done crying!) what is in my heart. And, like above-not-mentioned person said, "I'm afraid not to do it."

    Okay, this comment is getting too long. I think I'll just have to go blog on it. At least this time it's not out of being riled up!

    Thanks for sharing the unfolding of this journey with us. And, the link to Tribe was nothing but a big, fat tease, so cut that out! :-)
  • Johnathan,

    I know the exact feeling you are talking about. Unfortunately, I also know the one that can come after it, too.

    About 2 years ago, I cam back from a worship service with a vision of the sort of church I wanted to build. A non-church friend who was with me arrived at the same vision. We decided to share it with my mentor, another clergy woman, just to see if we were crazy, but (you see where this is going, right?) she's had a nearly identical idea in a dream a week earlier.

    And so the dream of LARK was born, a progressive mission-focused worshiping community in the largely glbt population in our little city. For months, nearly a year, the three of us met and prayed and planned and sought out others. I've never felt so alive, so right with God's unfolding vision.

    And then it... died.

    Recognizing that this had to be a movement that involved the people in question, we tried to generate interest in the downtown and in the gay community, and found the resources and the people lacking. Meeting place after meeting place fell through. Person after person who said they were interested walked away. Even my friend.

    I tell you this not to discourage you but to share the incredible pain and loss I felt and sometimes still feel about LARK. How could it have felt so Spirit led and then not work out? Why were we inspired but not equipped? Was I unfaithful or was I just trying to spread seed on the really rocky sidewalks of Lark St, Albany? Was it a vision of the church I wanted, but not the one the community actually needed?

    I think the fear (and grief) help us see when we are on the path where we are supposed to be. Prayers and blessings for you in this exciting and God-led time!

    Grace and Peace,
    Becca
  • Becca Clark
    Okay, clearly I'm not meant to give you the whole story, as the internet ate my post.

    I know the feeling. I also know the pain and grief of having lived the vision and watched it die. It still breaks my heart.

    May you find good soil for the gospel you sow.

    Grace and Peace,
    Becca
  • Tracy, you said, "Will we corrupt it?" I think that is at the heart of the fears. That what we are dreaming rings so beautiful in our hearts that surely we are going to drop the ball. Perhaps, to be sure. But something heavenly happens when us God-loved-creatures join him in what he is doing and wanting to do. And there seems to be this grace-bathed spiritual filter that makes our cracked vessels seem like they came from God. Oh, wait a minute, that's right...they did! My bad.

    Care to share (perhaps via email) what is on your heart that brought you to tears?
  • Becca, your post didn't get lost. I have a monitor on my comments.

    I had a similar experience with a ministry I started in 2000 that was a precursor to Thrive. And I will now say that it dying was the best thing that could have happened to me.

    I'm wondering if what will come next will feel the same way to you.
  • Tracy, I too would love to hear that story and what's next.
  • An email is on the way....
  • Interesting article Jonathan but sorry, I found Tracy's comment hitting a chord!

    I am faced with "What are we doing in our community that reflects Jesus?" and of course here in Africa the tasks are emormous and daunting so then comes the fear "God there is no way I can get into this it is just so BIIIIIIIG!"

    I never thought of it as "Hey you, you can't do anything outside of Me even if it is small, so quit your whining and look to Me for leading and lets step up okay!"

    Thanks Tracy!
  • I'm glad it resonated with you, Pops!
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