Why We Don’t Like Grace

Posted by Jonathan Brink
June 2, 2008

I have come to the conclusion that a lot of people within the church don’t really like grace. It calls us to wrestle with stuff we don’t like, stuff like control and forgiveness. Let me explain.

A while ago, I had someone really hurt me. And the moment it happened something inside of me screamed out for justice. I wanted to rail back at this person and lash out. I wanted to rain down on this person the justice that his action demanded. And then this person did something that I really didn’t like. They asked for forgiveness. At that very moment I was staring the Gospel in the face. Something inside of me didn’t want to. I wanted to be mad.

And yet at that moment, I heard God’s still small voice say, “This is your moment. This is what will redefine who you are. To forgive is to become who you are.” I was holding onto a judgment that ultimately I was not really prepared to hold. And love was calling me to look beyond the hurt and to see the human.

And the reality is that its just so much easier to hold onto the pain. But isn’t the pain killing us? Isn’t the poison pill that we wanted to give someone else get instantly ingested into our own system?

We don’t like grace because it takes away our right to be angry. When God forgives me He’s revealing the standard of His kingdom. And I am called reciprocate. And we don’t want to do that. We want to be angry. We want justice. We want God to rain down fury on those who hurt us.

Grace levels the playing field in ways we don’t like. It takes away our ability to control others because we no longer get to use the idea of justice in a way that can control people. Grace redefines justice. It says that mercy is the more restorative approach. It takes away our command to God to end those who hurt us. God simply points to the cross and says, “Am I really mad? You decide. I can’t give you any more than that.”

And we’re left with this strange reality that the problem is really us. We don’t want to let go of our condemnation because it has become this strange tool to control the world around us. It feeds our sense of justice when someone hurts us. It fuels our sense of fury when we contemplate the abandonment, the rape, the molestation, the beating, the lies, the divorce, and the rejection. It allows us to play god.

Grace chucks all of that. It turns the tables on us takes away our defenses. It says, “You are worth more to me than your own sense of justice. You are worth more to me than condemnation.” Because when we judge, we’re really judging ourselves, which always leads to condemnation.

But to embrace that statement requires letting go of our own wounds. To embrace grace means applying it to everyone, not just us. And we simply don’t like that.

————————————————————

This post is part of a Community Synchroblog

Alan @ The Assembling of the Church: Community Is Unnatural Today

Jason @ Godfidence.org: Community:A Synchroblog

Jeff @ Loosing My Religion: Thoughts On Building Authentic Christian Community

Glenn @ Re-Dreaming The Dream: Community: The Dilemma

Kathy @ The Carnival In My Head: Equality Is An Action Word

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Conflict, Reconciliation, forgiveness, grace

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  • Interesting perspective and thoughts. At first I thought..."what is he talking about?" but by the end I thought you made a lot of sense. I think in America it becomes even more difficult to love grace, because everything in America values perfection.
  • Good stuff, brother.

    Something kept hitting me as I was reading it, though. And I hate to point this out, because I'm so often lax in my own thoughts and in the words I use to relay them. But for the greater good, let's never forget that what you're talking about here is human forgiveness, which is a reflection of and reaction to grace, and immensely difficult, and, yes, we are called to do it despite our natural tendency to seek personal justice instead.

    But it is not itself grace!

    Grace is God's domain. Grace is huge, unfathomable, inasmuch as (a) our sins toward God are a thousandfold greater than any person's sins toward us, and (b) it seems to me that, despite that, God doesn't have to grit His teeth, if you will, to offer grace; it goes to the very heart of who He is. It's His modus operendi.

    I posted something a few months back about how this grace is even bigger than we often imagine. How would you have reacted if you realized that this guy who had sinned against you was not genuine in his seeking forgiveness, but had an ulterior, selfsish motive. Would you have still forgiven him? If you would, then you're a better Christian than I am.

    Having said that, I hear what you're saying loud and clear.

    Grace and Peace,
    Raffi
  • Tyler, thanks for sticking with me until the end.
  • Raffi, I hear what you are saying as well but I think you might have missed my point. Grace rubs up against our brokenness. It's very nature is so unhuman as to reveal what we don't like about ourselves, and in doing so calls us into a deeper life, a deeper trust, a deeper faith in His power to transform.

    I don't question that grace is netherworld. I was simply drawing out how much it rubs up against who we are.

    And you bring up a really good point. What if the guy was fooling me? This is the brilliance of grace. It calls me to seek love even in the midst of a broken world. To participate in love is then to reveal His perfection. This is what is then so amazing to me about grace, that we get to participate in it.
  • Your post reminds me of a great RF Capon quote: ""However much we hate the law, we are more afraid of grace." Your post explains why that is so true.
  • Alan Knox
    Its much easier to live by rules and law than by grace. In fact, I think its natural to live by rules. Which means, in order to live by grace and to offer grace to others, we must live "unnaturally"... or perhaps a better term would be "supernaturally".

    -Alan
  • Very interesting post, Thank you!

    It highlights what I have been talking about over here.

    Our 'base of reference' (old nature) reminds us to respond a certain way to certain situations - any situation in fact. But it is our choice whether we respond according to the new nature or the old nature.

    If we allow Jesus to live His life thru us then hopefully we will make the right decision and respond His way no matter what happens to us.

    Of course the real difficut bit is letting God sort out our emotional responses and after effects!

    Lots of love!
  • This helped to finally completely mess me up. I was just about to write the post that I posted today when I read this. It was almost exactly what I was wrestling with this week.

    Thanks.... Father used this to further make his point.
  • Jonathan ~ Grace is scandalous. We want it, but have a hard time extending it in certain situations. Grace is the glue of community. Thanks for participating in the sychroblog.
  • Becky
    Pops

    If we allow Jesus to live His life thru us then we CAN'T NOT make the right decision and respond His way no matter what happens to us. :)

    Everyone Else

    The reason we find it difficult to extend the grace we have been given is that we don't truly know the depths and the riches of the love that is found in Christ Jesus. When we come to see (be transformed/minds renewed) what He has truly done for us (His pure love) then we will find ourselves doing as He did. But we do as he did, not because we are trying too, but because we can't not. When we truly see, then we truly respond. If you love then you love. If one tries to make themselves love, then they are not loving. Because there is no try in love. Love is what it is. Who here would like to have God try to love them???!!! Then for goodness sake, why would we try to love Him?

    To borrow the words of some star wars character: 'Do or do not. There is no try.'

    Crazy eh. I too am caught up in this conundrum. . .
  • Becky
    I just can't do it!

    You know, that description of love by dear Paul written to the Corinthians. It has to flow out of a love nature. New creation basking in the grace of God.

    Thanks be to God. . . Christ In Us, the hope of Glory. I can't love unselfishly (hence extend grace) in and of myself. In the name of Jesus. Through the power of Jesus. Holy Spirit Power. Power not to gain, but to give life. . . Ah, I understand our need to be filled with His Spirit.

    There are many "Christian" good things you can do in His name. Yet if you have not love, you are a clanging gong.

    We have need of Him! For we can do nothing of ourselves. Hmm, didn't Jesus say that?
  • hey jonathan, such great thoughts here. as much as i crave grace, am so thankful for it in my life, the truth is that i'm not as keen about other people who have hurt me receiving it. it is the most interesting thing & definitely a heart-hardening thing that requires....God's grace....to soften it. i also think that in some communities, this is why there's a repulsion toward hurting people, honest people, those that are maybe more honest about their recovery/healing/mess. there's a little bit of grace jealousy going on. yes, i agree with glenn, grace is scandalous...hope all is great there with thrive. it sounds like it's going well! so beautiful..
  • Tracy, I don't know Capon. Who is he?

    Alan, I would offer that we are designed for grace but our broken self craves control and thus the leaning towards the law.

    Pops, yes lots of love.

    Barb, sorry about that, but maybe its a good "mess me up".

    Glenn, oh so scandalous.

    Becky, welcome to the conundrum.

    Kathy, grace jealousy...that sounds like a great post for you to expound on. I'd love to hear more.
  • grace
    Your post title had me a little concerned. ;)

    But I was relieved to read another thoughtful post from you.
  • sasha
    Amazing Grace how sweet the sound......

    Grace= underserved favor. I love to breath him in; savour him. I was lost, but now I'm found it was by Grace. Because Grace is not a lesson, Grace is the person of Jesus! Jesus and Grace are synonymous.

    Of course, this insight is wonderful when you are alone in meditation. The rubber doesn't meet the road until we are faced with an affliction to our "flesh"; dying to this so called "flesh" daily has been my battle and then it dawned on me (through the teaching of wonderful spirit filled teachers) I'm OKAY! God loves me right where I am! He won't forsake (turn his back) on me. My friends, family, co-workers and church members might....but God? Not a chance in Hatis (of course Satan (the accusser of the brethren (believers in Jesus Christ) is utterly preturbed by this)!

    I still take captive every thought (or try to) to make it "obedient" to Christ; to Grace.

    Once I had this revelation, my self-condemnation was grabbed by the root and lifted up to the heavens - for My Savior to take!! It was never mine in the first place. He consumed my sin at the cross! We are the ones that fight this... Grace! We fight it becuase what was said about justice is TRUE!! Our "flesh" is bound and determined to have justice!! But let us keep in mind, this flesh is not part of our Spirit.

    I believe when God's eyes scans the earth, He is overjoyed when his children have had this revelation of HIS love for us. It is like the moment I really understood that my parents loved me - and not because of my behavior! They loved me "unconditionally". What a concept that we have a God that is not riding the human emotional rollercoaster of emotions! He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow! He is the Great I AM! He is Grace!

    I think it is a shame when parents do their children the injustice of putting such high and unattainable expectations on thier children. This relationship with our parents is our first encounter of how the horizontal relationship with our Heavenly Father is to be.

    Okay- so this is my first response ever to a website posting. I have this fire burning inside of me to share God's love and live in RELATIONSHIP with him and his children! My apologies for my ramblings. I do pray that a reader or two found some delight in the preceeding heart felt words.
  • great great post my friend
  • thanks Amo.
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